Beyond the survival instinct

I hurt myself today to see if I still believe
I focused on the pain the only thing that is unreal
I tried to kill the fears but I am numb I cannot feel
What have I become everything I know
about the unknown is the only thing that is real
that stays the same: It’s all in my head and I cannot repay my dues everyone I know stays in the same place inside themselves and if I could start over would I still choose to become what I am a memory that slowly fades away ~ in the mind of those that touched me or have being touched by me. I will never let you down I focused on the pain and if I could start again I would be as silent as I am right now . . . and you could have it all and I could have . . .